PLACES

For a long time, she has not been feeling like herself. Nothing seemed to please her, nothing could up her mood. She felt nothing. A load she felt, onto her heart, mind and soul. Never had she ever felt like this in her life. 

She even couldn't name this feeling of hers. 

"What is happening to me? What has become of me?", She would think to herself, sometimes aloud, even.

She was vexed. She knew nothing in her life was going according to the way she planned.

Taken down by mostly her thoughts and surrounding, she couldn't gather enough strength to stand back up again.

"Is this it for me? Will I never do anything better in life?",these thoughts slowed her down more.

She felt depressed, sad and broken. 

No amount of support from family and friends could make her want to begin again. 

The once perky, quirky and full of life person was brought down by circumstances once more. And worst of all, she blamed herself for all that was happening to her. 

Her wings were withered, she had no more flight. If someone met her after long, they couldn't believe that this was the same person that they have known all this time. She laughed, but less. She talked,but she wasn't into the conversation anymore. She woke up every morning just because she has to. 

It seemed her hope was diminishing. She was on the verge of losing it. However, people from far wouldn't know about all this, because she knew how to fake a smile. But people who loved her dearly knew what was going on but they were helpless as she herself has closed all doors to her. Her heart was in a vault in some darkness, that was protected by long, thick walls of misery and pain.

Amidst all this, she did continue her journey. From people to people, from places to places but there was no healing.

Although she had realized everything already, she was helpless. She had no more energy to do anything. She stopped planning. She stopped living. She just let life be and that was the worst for her as she always liked to be in control. But this time control was like 'whooosh!' and it was gone.

Everything going around her made her a scared little thing. She belittled herself and she couldn't control the flow of her thoughts. 

Nobody ever knew the countless nights she slept with tears in her eyes. She felt as if she belonged to nowhere. Nowhere was hers and she was a nobody. This thought started eating her bit by bit, piece by piece. She could see her pieces go away, the person she used to be was getting evaporated from her soul. But she was helpless.

Amidst all of the hopelessness, a flicker of faith was still alive in her. She thought of undoing all that has happened. How could she do this to herself, she thought. But then she was hopeless, she could't hold onto the thought for more than a second.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, she got a chance to go back to her roots. The place she was born. The place she grew at. At first, she was hesitant because she just wanted to shut herself in a room, away from all the world, but then somethings she doesn't have control over. So with numerous silly thoughts tormenting her, she went. 

She went back to her roots and realized that the ground holds strongly onto her. These situations cannot break the person she has become. Yes, sometimes tress take longer to bear fruits, but when they do, Oh, how sweet the fruits are!

She has moments of awakening. She became happy in those days of bliss. 

It is such surprise that how change of place, changed her perspective on the whole.

'Some place have a connection to your soul. A connection which relaxes you, soothes you, calms your nerves. Places that give your troubled mind home that it always yearns for. Places that have your roots planted deep, down and strong. Places where each breath you take revitalizes you. Places where the skies are reassuring and where the winds help you in your flight. Places that rebirth your imagination, that rewires your entangled brain and reignited the diminishing fire of your soul. Places where you can get a good night's sleep without a worry. Places where you can laugh without fear of judgement. Places that hold all of your secrets, stories, history, your beginnings. Places that you can always call your own. Places that you can call home.', staring at the night sky, she thought this to herself. She never knew a place can affect her so much, but to her surprise, it did.

She felt so grateful and thankful to this place, her place, her home. She never knew she has such a deep and strong bond to this place.

Now she knew that there is a place where she can always come back to. This thought reassured her that she certainly is more than a nobody. Her purpose somehow came back to her. Her thoughts began to align.

She felt as if her system was restarted and she felt updated. Her smile came back to her. She became renewed, better and alive.

'May everyone be blessed with such places in their lives', she prayed.

To her place she said, 'As long as I am alive, I will keep coming back to you. Etched in my heart, forever you will be.'

Fairytales

Monday morning. She woke up with a bad headache. She looked at her mobile and it was half-past eight. 'What the hell! Why didn't my alarm clock go off!!!', she thought to herself and started to get ready for her day. She knew, she only has half an hour before her cab arrives, so she got a little faster at her routine. Panic hit her when she remembered she has the 'big meeting' with her bosses today. Her heart started beating so fast at this thought that it seemed to her it might just come out of her chest and explode. She cursed herself for partying so hard the night before. However, she picked herself up and got to preparing. She threw on the first thing she found in her closet, set her hairs, put on some make-up and looked in the mirror and smiled herself for pulling the best pretend ever. She has developed this habit of smiling to herself everyday before she left for work as it made her confident that she was working in the right direction. *HONK* and she heard the sound of her cab arriving. She took a deep breath, opened the door and went ahead. As the lift was in waiting, she decided to take the stairs. In the physical and mental state that she was in, it was really difficult for her to take the stairs and that too downwards . But she had to, so she did.

Finally after the wobbly staircase facade, she somehow managed to reach the ground floor. She felt relieved as if she has won an Olympic medal . *HONK HON* Again she heard her cab and ran towards it as she knew how hard it would be to get another cab for office on a monday morning. She ran as fast she could to reach her cab, nonetheless she did. Now, she felt more relief. She got in and greeted everyone with a smile. But as the monday morning woes go, none of the other passengers were able to fake a smile as well as she could.

The cab started to move. She got to thinking. Thinking of the days when she was a kid. Carefree,optimistic, happy and always smiling. People noticed how charming she was and would compliment her parents for having such a happy girl in their life. She remembered how she read about Aurora, Cinderella, Snowhite and all other fairy tales that would transport her to another world. The world full of beauty, peace and good winning over evil, always. How she used to believe in those fairy tales and the tale they used to tell. She thought of the days when she played one or the other heroine from those fairy tales in her school events and how everyone would praise her for pulling off the character so well. These memories, these sweet, sweet memories brought a genuine smile to her face when suddenly the cab driver hit the breaks so hard that everyone shook off their seats. She came back from her happy memories into the not so happy reality.

She looked at the faces surrounding her in the cab, faces that looked mostly weary, tired, blank, some even looked clueless and she wondered to herself if they have ever believed in fairy tales. She thought of how she would think, one day she is going to get a fairy tale of her own. How she has believed someday, someone is coming to rescue her from this boring routine that she has to call life. She pondered and pondered about it. Now she was getting sad and tired as her life isn't turning out the way she thought it would turn to be. Life was anything but Fairy tale. She cursed herself for believing in the stories of Aurora, Cinderella, snowhite or all the other heroines who now don't seem like heroines to her. Lost in thought she didn't notice when she reached her office.

She came off the cab and started to walk towards her office building. She was so angry at all the fairy tales for showing her things that aren't real. For making her believe in things that don't exist. She cursed and cursed herself for reading them again and again, and felt a little guilty for reading them even now whenever she gets free time. She came to the conclusion that they have blurred her vision of what life is.She always thought of herself as a princess but all she has become, is a peasant girl. The supporting cast. 'No you are not', while getting in the lift she heard a  little voice telling her this. She looked around and there was none except her. 'Who is it speaking to me. Am I really going mad now!',looking around she thought to herself. 'No you are not going mad. It's the little voice inside of you. Look into the mirror.' At this point she really got scared but looked into the mirror in the lift. She saw herself and only her. She took a clear look at herself and discovered a line appearing on the side of her eyes which she has never had before. Never before she has noticed the few grey hairs that now appear from her thick black hair. 'How time is slowly flowing by as she is busy cursing the fairy tales.', a thought suddenly struck to her. Due to thinking how her life should be, she has stopped living the life she actually has. In order to make a fairy tale happen, she has missed writing her own tale. She has let so many moments pass, just because they were not as perfect as she thought they should be. 

She felt like Aurora in the moment, she felt as if she has woken up from a deep, deep slumber. She realized instead of waiting for magic to happen she has to make magic for herself. She felt foolish for giving up on magic of life. She felt 'Oh So!' liberated in the moment. The realizations that hit her made her see her life crystal clear. She now knew the fairy tales that she read were of other heroines, the heroines that have lived their part and she doesn't need to waste her time to be them, as her own fairy tale was taking place. 

She realized in that moment that fairy tales do happen and each person has got their own fairy tale. So she decided to stop comparing her fairy tale to anyone else's and start living her own fairy tale. She decided to put in her own music and dance to her own rhythm.

She now knew, she was her own savior. She now believed in fairy tales more than ever.

The Woman

Once upon a time, in a far away land, there lived a little girl. Happy, excited, loving , beautiful, were the words to describe her. The twinkle in her eyes could cheer up an entire room in seconds. Her smile would make the saddest person trying to lighten up.

Being an only child, she was the apple of her parents' eyes. Whatever she wished for, she got. She believed in the goodness of people all around. Her mother taught her to be kind and compassionate to all people and things around, alike. Her father cared for her every need. She had this picture that world was full of happy people and believed in goodness of heart. From an early age, the girl showed signs of excellence in all she did. Her parents knew she was born to achieve greater things in life and they told her that the world is her oyster, she can be and she can do whatever her heart desires and she believed them.

However, all was not always rosy and pink in her world always. There came a day when she became a young woman and decided to leave her parents' home and discover the world on its own. Her mother said, "Go on my child, there is nothing for you to fear. You are a complete person. It's time for you to live your life. You have all my blessings. Be you, always, be you." She hugged her mother and went out the door. Her father was standing there with the wagon to take her off to the real world. Her father told her, "You are my brave daughter and always remember you are enough. Be you, always be  you." She took his advice and hugged him and sat in the wagon, off she went.

While sitting in the wagon, she could only think of one thing, 'Be you, always, be you. My parents told me and that's what I am gonna be.' She was happy and nervous, all at once. She never knew what was waiting for her out there, but her heart knew she has waited to meet the world for a longtime and this was her time. Now. She could feel it in her heart.

After travelling for quite a time, she reached. She stepped off the wagon and started looking all around. "Wooow", she thought to herself. "So this is something, I can't wait to explore more of this place.", her zeal was infectious. She greeted everyone she met, even the homeless sitting in the corners of the street. It was not easy for her to contain herself. Her father has given her the address of a relative who lived there, so she went to her place. It was her aunt, whom she was meeting after a long time. While looking for her place, she thought of the times when her aunt would come to her place, so happy, cheerful, accepting, how she would make everyone laugh and the stories her aunt would tell of the real world. She reached her aunt's place and knocked the door. A sad figure opened the door. She couldn't believe that it was the same aunt. To her surprise her aunt just left the door open and without saying a word turned her back. The young woman felt a little embarrassed but still she went in. There she saw her uncle and cousin sitting and talking about some "real worldly things". So her aunt told her that dinner was ready and she should wash up for dinner. At the dinner table her aunt told the young woman that she couldn't live with her as her boy is growing up and it could lead to awkward or unwanted situations to have a growing girl around her boy. she also told the young woman that she is a grown up and she should find a job and a place of her own. Shocked as she was, the young woman tried not to get disheartened and gracefully agreed with her aunt. This was the first shock of the real world, however the young woman took it sportingly.

So next day, she thanked her aunt and went on to find a new place for herself. She went to agencies who helped people in renting houses but to her amazement they all told her the same thing, "It is difficult for a single girl to get a place for herself as people are not trusting of them." A little disappointed she was with this, when suddenly she remembered a friend of hers has moved to the real world a few years back. She established contact with him and he agreed to give her a place to live for as long as she wanted. She was ecstatic that all people haven't turned to sad people in the real world. She went to his place and told her all about what happened at her aunt's place and he seemed a little too much comforting. But the young woman thought this is the way of the real world.

Next day, the young woman went off to find a job for her. Luckily, as she was well-qualified she found a good job. Her boss, a little older man seemed to be very impressed by her qualifications and took her to his liking from the very starting. After the first day of work, she thought of celebrating with her friend for her new job and also a way of thanking him for being generous and accommodating towards her. She cooked dinner for him and when he came he seemed happy for her too. The boy put on music and started putting his hands first on the young woman's shoulders and then her waist. Hesitant, she said, "What are you doing?". To which boy replied, "Come on, I knew you liked me or why else would you come to me, After all, you are a woman and I am a man and these things tend to happen.". "But you are my friend,", said she. "Yeah and we can be much more", he tried to pull her closer. With all her force the young woman threw the boy off her and collected her things and ran off. She thought to herself that the real world is not turning into what she imagined it to be. Suddenly she came across a women's hostel and got a room there. "There.", she thought to herself and fell to sleep.

She went on doing her job, weary and tired, and after some months her boss called her to his office. He told her she has done a very good job and could get a promotion only on the terms if she does as he says. He went on telling her how he hired her for her beauty and how she is not enough for the position he has given her in his office. The young woman said, "But you told me my qualifications are what made you hire me." To which her boss replied, "Yeah, you are qualified in more than one way. You are a smart woman, I thought you understood the terms when I hired you. After all you are a woman and I am a man and deny all you want to but that is the preceding factor here. And you can never do better than this. I hope and want you to accept my terms " The young woman realized she is not young anymore, she has become a complete woman and if she has to survive in real world, she has to go by the terms of the real world. She told her boss that she was agreeing to all his terms and he told her that he would come and pick her for dinner that night.

A little upset, she started getting ready for the dinner with her boss. She thought how she has worked so hard to reach this place and it meant a lot to her, to just let it go. She also thought she was just a woman and she couldn't do better than this, so she thought it's better to settle now rather than later when there wouldn't be much options. Someone told her, her boss was there to pick her up. She started to go down the stairs, she thought of her aunt, her house - hunt and her friend who all taught her that real world wasn't as rosy as she had pictured. As she reached the last of the stairs, she saw a man old enough to be her father, looking at her with such hungry eyes that sent chills down her spine. Her thought went back to her parents and she remembered her father telling her 'you are enough'. Those words started to spin in her head. "Yes, I am enough, Be me, always, be me", she said to herself. "Sorry, I can't go with you.", she told to her boss. "What?? are you out of your mind? You know I don't like these kinds of joke and I can fire you for doing this.", angrily, her boss asked.

"I don't care if you fire me. You cannot make me feel less of myself. I am enough. I can be whatever I want and I don't want to be this. In fact, I resign. I cannot continue with this.", she said, affirmatively. "Alright if that is what you decide, I am telling you, you won't be able to get job anywhere in the city. You have scorned my self-respect and you will have to pay the price.", said the boss.

"You cannot make me pay for something, I am not responsible for. If you had self-respect you wouldn't stoop so low. Go on, say whatever you want. I believe in me and my family does and I will find my way. Goodbye.", she turned back and ran up the stairs to her room.

The woman realized what it meant to be a woman in the real world and she realized it's not so bad being one in real world. All she has to do is set her priorities straight. The first priority being her and her self-respect. She knew now that she is enough, all she has to do is believe in herself and never let anyone bring her down. She knew now that her power is limitless. She knew now, she doesn't need to be scared of being alone but make it her strength. She knew now she can roar and fly whatever she wants all she has to do is let go of fear of being a woman. She realized now that in all the sense of the word she has become, 'the woman'.

You and I

"So, how have you been?", he asked her.

Hesitant to reply, trying to smile she said, "Yeah, I have been good."

"That's good to know. You have changed a lot, you cut your hairs and I must say this look suits you.",trying to take the conversation further he said.

"Oh, thank you. You, yourself are looking better then ever...",she said.

"Yeah. Good to know that you noticed. I remember you always pushed me to exercise, so I thought better late than never.", he said with a smile.

Smiling back at him, she said, "Oh so you remember that."

"Yeah I do remember that. I remember everything that you said, everything you did. It was the best time of my life and it's all because of you.", he said, reminiscing the old days.

Her cheeks turned a little red and trying to hide her smile, she said, "You are giving me extra credit. It was not all because of just me, it was you too, better, it was us. You and I were a team, tagging together..."

"Sometimes tagging against each other...", funnily he said, interrupting her.

She couldn't help but smile, "And you interrupting me in the middle of a conversation..."

"And then you fighting with me for that...", he said.

She continued,"And then you not accepting your mistake..."

"And you would get more angry and I would bring chocolates for you and then you would forgive me.", he said.

They both smiled at each other.

While smiling at him, she looked at him. His side burns have turned a little grey, she noticed. "Can I tell you something?", she said.

"You can say anything to me.", he said, while looking at her.

She looked into his eyes this time, the same twinkle as was five years before in his eyes comforted her, "Half of the times I was never really angry but I would pretend to be angry so you would pamper me. I liked that."

"Can I say something?", he asked.

With a affirmative look, she said, "Of course. Do you even need to ask that?"

"I knew that you pretended getting angry. But I just liked pampering you so I would go along with it. I liked how your face would glow up when i came with the chocolates and sometimes with the flowers too. I liked the way you hugged me. I liked everything about you. In fact, I have not till day realized why did we break up.", He looked at her and said.

"Well we were young, wanted different things in life. I guess the timing was not right then for us.",looking outside the window, as if searching for an answer, she said.

"Maybe. This was our favorite restaurant, you remember. Every little thing we used to celebrate here. Look, the manager still recognizes us.", waving at the manager, he said.

She looked at the manager, who was smiling at them and gave him a smile back. Then she looked at him," Yeah, I do remember this place. After we broke up I had to change my route as passing through here made me nostalgic every time and all those emotions would come back to me. I could only think of you then.", this time there was a little pain in her voice and he could sense it.

"And I would come to this place daily, hoping to catch a glimpse of you. I would sit here and reminisce over our memories,  You know how many coffees I had to order just to keep sitting here.", naughtily he said.

She looked a little surprised and said, "I am surprised to know that after the magnanimous fight I had with you, you still came here to catch a glimpse of me. And, hey I would like to apologize for that fight. I blew it out of proportion. It could have been a peaceful break up, after all.", sounding a little guilty she said.

"You need not apologize to me. In fact I think I should apologize for not understanding that you were just thinking about us and our future. I shouldn't have talked about our problems to my friends. Their meddling ruined things for us. Its good that you broke up with me. I needed that reality check. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have gone out and searched for a job for me. I never cared much about security and all but you opened my eyes.", assuring her, he said.

She felt a little better hearing this, and said, "I got a better job too. And you remember how you always said that I should continue singing so I got with some people in my office and formed a band. So, all in all we both did good for each other during the relationship and after that too. It's so amazing to know that."

"Yes, it is. You've always been my support system.", he said.

"And you've been mine.", she said. They both went quite for a little while. She saw him picking up his Irish coffee and taking a sip. He saw her fingers pulling her hairs from her face and behind her ears. He always loved when she did this. She saw him looking at her while she was pulling her hairs away from her face and behind her ears and caught a light in his eyes. She knew how he always loved it when she did this. They couldn't help but smile at each other.

"What now?", he asked her.

Sounding little confused, she asked," What do you mean?"

"I mean I enjoyed meeting with you after so long. It seems like nothing has changed. You are my best friend of all and you know that. Although we are meeting after three years, it just seems like yesterday. I hope we continue meeting.", sounding hopeful, he said,

"I hope so  as well. I like meeting with you too. You know what, I though after we broke up, I will move away, meet someone else and put all this behind me and I did meet someone, but I couldn't put all of this, all of you, in the past. You always were in my thoughts, no matter if we hadn't talked for days or weeks or months or even years. You were always the first thought when I woke up in the morning and the last thought before I shut my eyes at nights. You were always with me.", she confessed to him.

"Same was with me too. And I can't tell you how many times I tried calling you but of course you have changed your number but I didn't hoping you would call and see you did. Thank God I didn't change my number.", happily he said.

"Thank God you didn't.", happily she said.

"You and I were always meant to be together. Distance and time doesn't matter if you are destined to be together. So what do you say, can we give it another try? I am changed man now.", he asked a little afraid that she might reject his proposition.

"Yes, I would like that. I really think that we should give it another chance but don't change yourself too much. Only some parts you need to.", she said smiling.

"Hey, we can work on this together. You give me the list and I will implement it.", sounding relieved, he said.

She couldn't control but laugh, "ha-ha, very funny. You are pretty perfect the way you are. I am so relieved that you also wanted to get back together. Otherwise this would've been a little embarrassing. This is the best coffee I had in three years."

"Mine too. Let's go for dinner then, I have so much to tell you.", asking for the check, he said.

She looked at her watch and said,"  Yeah sure, let's go for dinner but I have some work to do. So I will meet you in an hour and decide where we are going for dinner.", she said, getting up from her chair and picked up her purse.

"Ok, I will see you in an hour then.", he said and picked up his car keys and started walking towards the door.

She looked at him going off and suddenly a little sadness gripped her heart. She called at him, "Hey, so see you in an hour?"

"Yes, see you in an hour.", coming close to her, he reassured her.

She hugged him tightly and said, "Thank you. I never knew what to do without you. For a moment there, I thought we are really over. Thank you for believing in us."

He noticed that her hairs have the same flowery scent as they used to. He looked at her and said, "Come let me drop you to your office."

In the car they both were silent but it was a happy silence. Rain was pouring outside. Everything again looked rosy to her. He drove peacefully now without needing to light a smoke. He was happy that she was sitting right beside him. In fifteen minutes, they reached her office. Opening the door she smiled at him and he returned the smile.

"Hey I guess I will wait for you here. Do your work and then lets go together.", being unable to take his eyes off her, he told her.

"Alright. I will just go and be back.", she said trying to control her smile.

Happily, he said,"Hey Thank you. And as far as it's concerned, You and I will never be over."