And once again it happened...
It felt that she is at a crossroads again...
The cycle that goes on and on and on, she just wants to break it...in turn break free, of the traumas, of the past, of the bullying, of the anger. Yes, she knows her worth, she knows she deserves all things good but then she also knows, nothing comes easy to her.
For a couple of years, she hasn't felt like herself and recently she realized she missed the girl she was. the wide-eyed, hopeful girl.
Years and years of churning the wheel, of the norms, of 'what should be because it has always been like this', she knows she can't take it anymore. She has a lot to say, to a lot of people. She even wants to but that's not how she is and so it doesn't come to her naturally.
A change is what is needed. Change of the atmosphere, change of the mindset, change for progress. But then she is scared if it's about the surroundings or if is it just her. Maybe she is the reason for all her sadness or maybe the surroundings are. She has always been confused about this.
A lot of thinking for one girl in one hour of one day. She shut her eyes and took some deep breaths trying to calm herself. This sweet melodious pitter-patter started and the sound fell on her ears. It was all quiet except for that one sound which at the moment felt like music for her soul. A smile appeared on her lips and she felt so at ease. She stood up and walked towards the door and she could see the rain pouring down in full swing. For a long time, she stood there, watching the rain, observing every drop falling from the heavens, touching the air all around, and then gently landing on the puddle on the ground. 'Tap', and it fell and then another and then another and created ripples. Happy ripples which she has longed so much for, to do something and create happiness out of it and for people around her but something stops it every time. She can't help it no matter how hard she tried. And then without her knowledge, she realized she is standing under the open sky and rain was falling on her too. With every drop that touched her face, her arms, her hair, her body, every drop touched her soul, her fears, her troubles, her heart and it seemed to her that all her thoughts are washing away. It didn't just seem to her but she knew it did happen and it was happening at the moment. She loved getting drenched in the rain when was little and she didn't know when she stopped doing this and she questioned herself why she stopped doing this. The smile on her face grew bigger, from ear to ear. The rains seemed to have awakened something that she thought was lost forever but was just sleeping inside of her. The feeling of light, excitement, happiness.
She had a newfound reassurance. She felt more like herself again. She felt a little more complete.
The purity of this simple pleasure brought maybe momentarily but comfort to her.
